Recording pain.

The last few days. The weekend. I was in so much pain. Saturday hurt but today was terrible. 

I flared, from painful to semi excruciating about 6 times today. From tired and achy skin to stinging and on edge burning skin. 

I cannot wait for this to be over. 

Thinking.

I often wonder where my life would be if this had never happened. I am in and out of the stages of grief. A balancing act that I often fall flat on my face, that is life right now. Would we have had another baby?  Would I be working?  I cry often hoping and seeking this to end. Soon. Eventually. It must happen.

The last few days have brought on bright red and burning flares. 

The best I have looked in a year.

OMonth 22- while still painful but I can see healing. The photos below I took today. This is best I have looke since this time last year. Please let this continue. 

Rant. Sadness.

I am in 4 private Facebook groups related to Tsw. And to see people healing is uplifting but to have to wake up covered in 'eczema' makes me sad. I really want to be healed. I have hope but at the same time don't know what to do. I am getting better but every night, and sometimes throughout the day, I get bright red only to know I will peel over my entire body again the next morning. Ugh. Sad. The discomfort and pain are indescribable but there is nothing I can do. 

Going.

Days are hard. I feel so much better than a few months ago but still trudging along. The photo below is of my left arm around the bicep. To the right you can see the red sleeve start. To the left is where the red skin has faded. Please let the healing continue. I am so tired. 

And today my forehead started to ooze. Great. 

Seeing the light.

I don't know who reads this. 

But I am healing. Very slowly. I struggle everyday. I cannot believe how a drug has done this to me. A drug allowed by Fda. I really have struggled with suicidal thoughts and hopelessness. But I see the light. 

If you are on Facebook or Instagram please find me as I post more regularly on those medias. On Facebook I am Michael-Annjanette Debellis. And on Instagram i am @annjidebellis. 

One day this nightmare will end and the life I am supposed to live will be allowed to enter. I am so excited for that day. 

This is my left elbow today. Please let the healing continue. 

2 decent days

I am so grateful for the past few days. Sunday was painful and I flared a lot and felt very stiff and dry.  Since Monday I have felt an obvious relief. It is so much easier to live when you are not I constant pain. Yesterday I unloaded our trailer after a weekend trip, did 5 loads of laundry, folded and put away and cleaned my whe bathroom including the tub. I went to bed exhausted not from pain but from all I did. I woke up sore too as I have not done that much since before the new year. I am so grateful. Please let this be the downhill. I am a better mom and person when I am not in immense pain. Please. I cannot say that enough. 

Here are some pics of my hands after my shower.